Don’t try to change him, baby!

This is fundamentally a female issue. It’s usually the woman who wants to change her boyfriend, rarely the other way around. To get behind the reason for all this boyfriend-changing would require a whole post on its own, but lets just say that maybe women enjoy changing boyfriends and boyfriends quite often are in need of change.
The real question is: is it actually possible to change your boyfriend? The short answer: no. The only person who can change your boyfriend is your boyfriend – it’s as simple as that. However, it is possible to, ahem, encourage change. Depending on the scale of change a woman is aiming for, this may or may not lead to a new, improved boyfriend.

We are operating under the assumption that your relationship as such is good and that your boyfriend is a great guy. If there is more wrong than right with him or the relationship, then why even bother? It may help to make a list detailing the things that are good about your relationship and the things that you want to change. If the bad outweighs the good, you can stop right there. The relationship is obviously doomed.
If, however, the list of cons is short, then it depends on how fundamental your boyfriend-changes are. Should they require a complete personality-turnaround, brainwash, everything short of a lobotomy, then you might consider exchanging this faulty boyfriend for a new model better suited to your relationship needs.

If you want to change minor issues of appearance, manners, habits, then you’re in with a chance. The key to success with these is to refrain from open criticism. Instead, use positive reinforcement. If your boyfriend is wearing something you like, tell him how great he looks, if your boyfriend helps out around the house, thank him, if your boyfriend takes you to a concert as a favour, then go along with something he wants to do in return (remember that actions speak louder than words).
The most important thing is to let him find out for himself that these changes are positive and your boyfriend will eventually change for the better.

This entry was posted on Monday, October 1st, 2007 at 8:33 am and is filed under Psychology. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.